awesome encounter

today, i had a really great face to face (in my face) talk, or rather, an arguement with God and..Satan. yes.

ok, since i dont have much time, i'll go on pretty fast, and anyway nobody likes to read long boring posts :P

so it all started when mum asked me to go for tennis. and for those who know me really well, u would knw that i get really emotional during sports, like every point was God's will, and every fail was my shortcoming. so i was like,

"dowanna go lar mum.."

but at last, got pushed into it, so ok, okok lar.the Spirit filled me with visions of..err..fun during tennis. so i was like, ok, i'll have fun, i WILL have fun! then in the car i slept...

and when i woke up i realized that, i'm pretty sensitive when i just wake up... so...

mom was bugging me to follow dad coz he already went out of the car, and he was free, bcz dad always played with his frens n din hv time for me. so, i was still sleepy..din wanna wake up.so i told mum i dowan.then she kept bugging, i got a lil annoyed, but i woke up n felt better.feeling kinda frustrated that i was forced into it, i saw dad fixing the tennis net n proceeded to help him.

after helping dad, he grabbed his raquet and played with me. in my family, its counted a privilege to even do something (interaction) with dad.soo..i din wanna waste this chance ma, and at the same time, i havent warm up, so i played very suckily with dad.n he was like advising and i was having that attitude "its not that i dunno, its i hvnt warm up"

dad got on my nerves for that short while.then he played with his frens. i was on my own to practice serving then.

thats when the fight began.i was serving VERY badly. (i mean, just last week, with the help of God, i could do like almost perfect serve) so,

sensitivity after waking up
frustration
regret that i was like that to dad
emotional during sports
+naturally, blaming it on God or myself
= DISASTER

so ofcz i was frustrated.and, i'll be honest here.i actually cursed God.and i cursed Satan too, for making me feel this way. ofcz, not forgetting, i cursed myself.

then i actually fought the evil inside me.but i din welcome the good, either.i was opposing all forces, and God knows thats bad. amazingly, i could still feel His smile upon me, and satan's snickering. i told satan, "stop tempting me, devil, and go back. i banish you...."

and it was gone.no, i'm not being hysterical/retarded.i really did that.the nagging voice to sin just stopped.and i could feel His presence, still welcoming me.

at that moment i felt so down, so broken.i already did something so evil.how could i go back to God? yet He still wanted me.. i told God..

"Lord, i am unworthy of Your presence..i do not deserve Your grace..please...leave me to death.."

but i kept feeling Him, urging me to come to Him, without a worry. then it made sense, because i was so unworthy and i owed such a big debt, i could only pay it off by showing even more love to Him. i was feeling kinda miserable. but, Lord reassured me that He was there.

before that, i was trying to reach job thru my cellphone to discuss tmr's tennis.but i couldnt get thru.msg oso never reply. so in my mind i was telling Him.."God..just to show that You're there..please let me talk to job.."

when i called, i was filled with doubt, but at the 3rd ring, he answered.

"eh, sorry, no credit just now."

wow.

then i could hear Him again. "go and try your serve again. I'll make sure it passes."

3 times in a row.pass, angled, and perfect serve. wow.

i wuz super speechless.then something in my mind resurfaced...

Proverbs 16:33
We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall.

maybe, just maybe, it said to me

"you can train all ur tennis strokes the way u want them, perfect anything, but God will determine how well u do."

and yes, have i mentioned that i'm really emotional during sports?

God bless.